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Good-Bye - 15

A father put his three year old daughter to bed,
told her a story and
listened to her prayers which she ended by
saying:"God bless Mommy, God
bless daddy, God bless grandma and good-bye
grandpa."

The father asked, "Why did you say good-bye
grandpa?"

The little girl said, "I don't know daddy, it just
seemed like the thing to do."

The next day grandpa died. The father thought it was
a strange coincidence.

A few months later the father put the girl to bed
and listened to her
prayers, which went like this: "God bless Mommy, God
Bless daddy and good-bye grandma."

The next day the grandmother died. Oh my gosh,
thought the father, this kid
is in contact with the other side. Several weeks
later when the girl was
going to bed the dad heard her say:
"God bless Mommy and good-bye daddy."

He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep
all night and got up at
the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was
nervous as a cat all day, had
lunch sent in and watched the clock. He figured if
he could get by until midnight he would be okay.
He felt safe in the
office, so instead of going
home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking
coffee, looking at his
watch and jumping at every sound. Finally midnight
arrived, he breathed a
sigh of relief and went home.

When he got home his wife said "I've never seen you
work so late, what's the matter?"
He said "I don't want to talk about it, I've just
spent the worst day of my life."

She said "You think you had a bad day, you'll never
believe what happened to me. This morning the milkman
dropped dead on our porch!

Vending Machine - 116


An American salesman checked into a futuristic hotel in Tokyo, Japan.
Realizing he needed a haircut before the next day's meeting, he called
down to the desk clerk to ask if there was a barber on the premises.
"I'm afraid not, sir," the clerk told him apologetically, "But down
the hall from your room is a vending machine that should serve your
purposes." Skeptical but intrigued, the salesman located the machine,
inserted $15, and stuck his head into the opening, at which time the
machine started to buzz and whirl. Fifteen seconds later the salesman
pulled out his head and surveyed his reflection, which reflected the
best haircut of his life. Two feet away was another machine with a
sign that read, "Manicures, $20." "Why not?" thought the salesman. He
paid the money, inserted his hands into the slot, and the machine
started to buzz and whirl. Fifteen seconds later he pulled out his
hands and they were perfectly manicured. The next machine had a sign
that read, "This machine provides a service men need when away from
their wives, 50 cents." The salesman looked both ways, put fifty cents
in the machine, unzipped his fly, and with some anticipation, stuck
his manhood into the opening. When the machine started buzzing, the
guy let out a shriek of agony and almost passed out. Fifteen seconds
later it shut off. With trembling hands, the salesman was able to
withdraw his tender unit, which now had a button sewn neatly on the
end.