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holy Joke - 103

An old lady dies and goes to heaven.


She's chatting it up with St. Peter at the Pearly Gates
when all of a sudden she hears the most awful, blood curdling screams.

Don't worry about that,' says St. Peter,
'It's only someone having the holes drilled into her
shoulder blades for the wings.'

The old lady looks a little uncomfortable
but carries on with the conversation.



A few minutes later, there are more blood curdling screams.

'Oh my Goodness,' says the old lady,
'now what is happening?'

'Not to worry,' says St. Peter,
'She's just having her head drilled to fit the halo.'

'I can't do this,' says the old lady, 'I'm going to hell.'

'You can't go to that nasty place,' says St. Peter.
'You'll be raped and buggered.'

'Maybe so,' says the old lady,

but I've already got the holes for that.'

Who's Deaf - 49

There is a husband and a wife and the husband is worried because he thinks
his wife is going deaf.. So the husband goes to the doctor and says
"My wife is losing her hearing what do I do?"

"Do a test." says the doctor. "Ask her a question from 40ft away, 20ft,
10ft and 5 ft away. See when she starts to hear you."

So he went home and asked his wife from 40ft away when dinner will be
ready.

No response.

20ft no response.

10ft no response.

At 5 ft his wife replies "For the 4th time dinner will be ready in 10
minutes!"