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Blond Diary - 16

Dear Diary,
Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive double pane energy-efficient
kind. Then, this week I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining
that the work had been completed a whole year ago and I still hadn't paid for them.
Now just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid. So, I told him just what his fast talking Sales guy had told me last year.... Namely, that in ONE YEAR these windows would pay
for themselves! Helllooooo? It's been a year!
There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally Just hung up.
He didn't call back. Bet he felt dumb!

Birth Control - 53

There were several women sitting around talking at their weekly club
meeting.The topic of birth control came up and they started
comparing methods.

The first woman said that she and her husband relied on the pill. It
had been effective for them since they had started using it after
their 4th child was born.

The second woman said that she used the rhythm method. But she hated
having to watch the calendar.

The third woman said that she used condoms, but wished that her
husband would remember to buy them himself.

The fourth woman said
that she and her husband had found the perfect prevention method.
They used the "saucer and pail" method. All ears were opened at that
comment. She went on to explain.... Her husband is shorter than
she, so he stands on a pail whenever they make love, and when his
eyes get as big as saucers, she kicks the pail out from underneath
him.