HOME TOP JOKES CATEGORY SUBMIT SEARCH CONTACT

Which one is funnier? Click to Pick!

Vending Machine - 116


An American salesman checked into a futuristic hotel in Tokyo, Japan.
Realizing he needed a haircut before the next day's meeting, he called
down to the desk clerk to ask if there was a barber on the premises.
"I'm afraid not, sir," the clerk told him apologetically, "But down
the hall from your room is a vending machine that should serve your
purposes." Skeptical but intrigued, the salesman located the machine,
inserted $15, and stuck his head into the opening, at which time the
machine started to buzz and whirl. Fifteen seconds later the salesman
pulled out his head and surveyed his reflection, which reflected the
best haircut of his life. Two feet away was another machine with a
sign that read, "Manicures, $20." "Why not?" thought the salesman. He
paid the money, inserted his hands into the slot, and the machine
started to buzz and whirl. Fifteen seconds later he pulled out his
hands and they were perfectly manicured. The next machine had a sign
that read, "This machine provides a service men need when away from
their wives, 50 cents." The salesman looked both ways, put fifty cents
in the machine, unzipped his fly, and with some anticipation, stuck
his manhood into the opening. When the machine started buzzing, the
guy let out a shriek of agony and almost passed out. Fifteen seconds
later it shut off. With trembling hands, the salesman was able to
withdraw his tender unit, which now had a button sewn neatly on the
end.

What goes first? - 41

The Sunday School teacher was speaking to her class one Sunday morning
and she asked the question, "When you die and go to Heaven, which part of
your body goes first?"

Suzie raised her hand and said, "I think it's your hands."


"Why do you think it's your hands, Suzie?"


Suzie replied, "Because when you pray, you hold your hands together
in front of you and God just takes your hands first!"


"What a wonderful answer!" the teacher said.


Now, Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "Teacher, I think it's
your legs."


The teacher looked at him with the strangest look on her face as Johnny is
known for his antics. Hesitant to ask, the teacher said, "Now, Johnny,
why do you think it would be your legs?"


Lil Johnny said, "Well, I walked into Mommy and Daddy's bedroom the
other night, Mommy had her legs straight up in the air and she was moaning,
'God, I'm coming!', and if Dad hadn't had her pinned down, we'd have lost
her for sure!"