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holy Joke - 103

An old lady dies and goes to heaven.


She's chatting it up with St. Peter at the Pearly Gates
when all of a sudden she hears the most awful, blood curdling screams.

Don't worry about that,' says St. Peter,
'It's only someone having the holes drilled into her
shoulder blades for the wings.'

The old lady looks a little uncomfortable
but carries on with the conversation.



A few minutes later, there are more blood curdling screams.

'Oh my Goodness,' says the old lady,
'now what is happening?'

'Not to worry,' says St. Peter,
'She's just having her head drilled to fit the halo.'

'I can't do this,' says the old lady, 'I'm going to hell.'

'You can't go to that nasty place,' says St. Peter.
'You'll be raped and buggered.'

'Maybe so,' says the old lady,

but I've already got the holes for that.'

Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96 - 37

Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96
lived in a house together. One night the 96 year old draws a bath. She
puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the other sisters, "Was I
getting in or out of the bath?"

The 94 year old yells back, "I don’t know. I’ll come up and see."

She starts up the stairs and pauses "Was I going up the stairs or
down?" The 92 year old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea
listening to her sisters.

She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that
forgetful" (knocks on wood).

She then yells, "I’ll come up and help both of you as soon as I see
who’s at the door."