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Last Delivery - 34

It was mailman George's last day on the job after 35 years of
delivering the mail through all kinds of weather. When he arrived at
the first house on his route, the whole family came out, roundly
congratulated him, and sent him on his way with a tidy gift envelope.

At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The
folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing
lures.

At the next house, he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful
woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, and led him
up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most
passionate love he had ever experienced.

When he'd had enough, they went downstairs, where she fixed him a
giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles and
fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied, she poured
him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar
bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge.

"All this is just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the
dollar for?"

"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be
your last day, and that I wanted to do something special for you. I
asked him what to give you. He said, 'Screw him. Give him a dollar.'"

"Breakfast was my idea."

Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96 - 37

Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96
lived in a house together. One night the 96 year old draws a bath. She
puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the other sisters, "Was I
getting in or out of the bath?"

The 94 year old yells back, "I don’t know. I’ll come up and see."

She starts up the stairs and pauses "Was I going up the stairs or
down?" The 92 year old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea
listening to her sisters.

She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that
forgetful" (knocks on wood).

She then yells, "I’ll come up and help both of you as soon as I see
who’s at the door."