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Badge of office - 114

A DEA agent, together with an ATF and a FBI agent, as part of a task force,
arrive at a ranch in western Nebraska.
The agents tell the rancher, "We need to inspect your ranch for illegally
grown drugs."
The old rancher says, "Okay, but don't go in that field over there."
The DEA agent explodes saying, "Mister, we have the authority of the Federal
Government with us."
Reaching into his rear pocket and removing his badge, the agent proudly
displays it to the farmer.
"See this badge? This badge means we are allowed to go wherever we wish on
any land. No questions asked nor answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do
you understand?"
The old rancher nods politely and goes about his chores.
Later, the old rancher hears loud screams and spies the three agents running
for their lives. Close behind is the rancher's bull. With every step the
bull is gaining ground on the agents. They are clearly terrified.
The old rancher immediately throws down his tools, runs to the fence and
yells at the top of his lungs:
"Your badges! Show him your badges!"

Claude the hypnotist - 43

It was entertainment night at the Senior Centre ..

Claude the hypnotist exclaimed: "I'm here to put you all into a trance
- I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience."

The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful
antique pocket watch from his coat. The polished metal gleamed in the
light.

Claude the hypnotist said: "I want you each to keep your eyes on this
antique watch. It's a very special watch. It's been in my family for
six generations."

He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly
chanting, "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch ..."

The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light
shimmering off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes
followed the swaying watch, until, suddenly, it slipped from the
hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, shattering into a hundred
pieces.

"shit!" said the Hypnotist.

It took 3 days to clean up the Senior Centre