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Hole Behind - 78

A man, while playing on the front nine of a complicated golf course,
became confused as to where he was on the course. Looking around, he
saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her, explained his
confusion and asked her if she knew what hole he was playing.
She replied, "I'm on the 7th hole and you are a hole behind me, so
you must be on the 6th hole." He thanked her and went back to his golf.

On the back nine the same thing happened and he approached her again
with the same request. She said, "I'm on the 14th, and you are a hole
behind me, so you must be on the 13th." Once again he thanked her and
returned to his play.

He finished his round and went into the club house where he saw the lady
sitting at the end of the bar. He asked the bartender if he knew the lady.
The bartender said that she was a sales lady and played the course often.

He approached her and said, "Let me buy you a drink to show my
appreciation for your help. I understand that you are a sales
lady ....
well, I am in sales also. What do you sell?"

She replied, "If I told you, you would only laugh."

"No I wouldn't," he said and persisted that she tell him what she sold.

"Well if you must know", she answered, "I sell Tampax."

With that, he fell on the floor and laughed so hard he almost lost
his breath. She said, "See I knew you would laugh."

"That's not what I'm laughing at," he replied, "I'm a toilet paper
salesman, so I'm still a hole behind you!"

Cremated husband - 30

Martha recently lost her husband.

She had him cremated and brought his ashes home.

Picking up the urn that he was in, she poured him out on the patio
table.

Then, while tracing her fingers in the ashes, she started talking to
him....

"Herman, you know that dishwasher you promised me? I bought it with
the insurance money!"

She paused for a minute tracing her fingers in the ashes then said,
"Herman, remember that car you promised me? Well, I also bought it
with the insurance money!"

Again, she paused for a few minutes and while tracing her fingers in
the ashes she said, "Herman, that diamond ring you promised me? Bought
it too, with the insurance money!"

Finally, still tracing her fingers in the ashes, She said, "Herman,
remember that blow job I promised you?"

"Here it comes."