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An Old Man Visit His Doctor - 64

An old man visits his doctor and after thorough examination the doctor
tells him: “I have good news and bad news, what would you like to hear
first?”Patient: “Well, give me the bad news first.”Doctor: “You have
cancer, I estimate that you have about two years left.”Patient: “OH
NO! Thats awefull! In two years my life will be over! What kind of
good news could you probably tell me, after this???”Doctor: “You also
have Alzheimers. In about three months you are going to forget
everything I told you.”

What Pissed Me Off? - 18

Coming into the bar and ordering a double, the man leaned over and
confided to the bartender, "I'm so pissed off !"

"Oh yeah? What happened?" asked the bartender politely.

"See, I met this beautiful woman who invited me back to her
home. We stripped off our clothes and jumped into bed and we were just
about to make love when her god damned husband came in the front door.
So I had to jump out of the bedroom window and hang from the ledge by
my fingernails!"

"Gee, that's tough!" commiserated the bartender.

"Right, but that's not what really got me aggravated," the
customer went on.

"When her husband came into the room he said 'Hey great! You're naked
already! Let me just take a leak.' And damned if the lazy son of a
bitch didn't piss out the window right onto my head?"

"Yeech!" the bartender shook his head. "No wonder you're in a lousy
mood."

"Yeah, but I haven't told you what really, really got to me.
Next, I had to listen to them grunting and groaning and when they
finished, the husband tossed his condom out of the window. And where
does it land? My damned forehead!"

"Damn, that really is a drag!" says the bartender.

"Oh, I'm not finished. See what really pissed me off was when the
husband had to take a dump. It turns out that their toilet is broken,
so he stuck his ass out of the window and let loose right on my
head !"

The bartender paled. "That would sure mess up my day."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," the fellow rattled on, "but do you know what
REALLY, REALLY, REALLY pissed me off? When I looked down and saw that
my feet were only SIX inches off the ground.