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Badge of office - 114

A DEA agent, together with an ATF and a FBI agent, as part of a task force,
arrive at a ranch in western Nebraska.
The agents tell the rancher, "We need to inspect your ranch for illegally
grown drugs."
The old rancher says, "Okay, but don't go in that field over there."
The DEA agent explodes saying, "Mister, we have the authority of the Federal
Government with us."
Reaching into his rear pocket and removing his badge, the agent proudly
displays it to the farmer.
"See this badge? This badge means we are allowed to go wherever we wish on
any land. No questions asked nor answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do
you understand?"
The old rancher nods politely and goes about his chores.
Later, the old rancher hears loud screams and spies the three agents running
for their lives. Close behind is the rancher's bull. With every step the
bull is gaining ground on the agents. They are clearly terrified.
The old rancher immediately throws down his tools, runs to the fence and
yells at the top of his lungs:
"Your badges! Show him your badges!"

The Statue - 46

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the
front door. "Hurry!" she said, "stand in the corner."

She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with
talcum powder. "Don't move until I tell you to," she whispered. "Just
pretend you're a statue."

"What's this, honey?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.

"Oh, it's just a statue," she replied nonchalantly. "The Smiths bought one
for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too." No more was
said about the statue, not even later that night when they went to sleep.

Around two in the morning the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen
and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk.

"Here," he said to the 'statue', "eat something. I stood like an idiot at
the Smiths' for three days, and nobody offered me as much as a glass of
water."