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A blonde, wanting to earn some extra money,
decided to hire herself out as a "handy-woman" and
started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood.
She went to the front door of the first house, and
asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.
"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my
porch," he said, "How much will you charge me?"
The blonde quickly responded, "How about $50?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint and
everything she would need were in the garage
The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to
her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes
all the way around the house?"
He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?"
The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm
starting to believe all those 'dumb blonde' jokes
we've been getting by e-mail lately." A short time
later, the blonde came to the door to collect her
"You're finished already?" the husband asked.
"Yes," the blonde replied, "and I had paint left
over, so I gave it two coats."
Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the
$50.00 and handed it to her.
"And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a
Porch, it's a Lexus
A middle aged woman went to her cosmetic surgeon to see what her options
were concerning her rapidly sagging face.
"We can give you an old fashioned face-lift, or we can use a new high tech
procedure called The Knob."
"What is the "knob" doctor?" she asked.
"It is a procedure where we install a knob under your hair on the back of
your head. We then connect it to the facial muscles which sag, and when
you see new wrinkles and sagging, you just tighten the knob a few turns
and your skin is nice and tight again."
"Oh, yes! That's what I would like to have," she replied excitedly. The
operation was a complete success, and she looked 15 years younger. As time
passed, when she would notice new sagging, she would simply tighten the
knob and... voila! Her face was once again beautiful.
One day about 8 years later, she woke up one morning and saw very large
bags under her eyes. Alarmed, she called the doctor and reported the
"You had better get right over here, and I'll check this out!" the doctor
replied. After examining her, he said, "The bags under your eyes are
To which she replied, "Well, I guess that explains the goatee!"