Which one is funnier? Click to Pick!
A blonde, wanting to earn some extra money,
decided to hire herself out as a "handy-woman" and
started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood.
She went to the front door of the first house, and
asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.
"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my
porch," he said, "How much will you charge me?"
The blonde quickly responded, "How about $50?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint and
everything she would need were in the garage
The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to
her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes
all the way around the house?"
He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?"
The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm
starting to believe all those 'dumb blonde' jokes
we've been getting by e-mail lately." A short time
later, the blonde came to the door to collect her
"You're finished already?" the husband asked.
"Yes," the blonde replied, "and I had paint left
over, so I gave it two coats."
Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the
$50.00 and handed it to her.
"And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a
Porch, it's a Lexus
The couple has been married only two weeks. The husband, although very
much in love, can't wait to go out on the town and party with his old
buddies. "Honey," says he to his new bride, "I'll be right back..."
"Where are you going, Coochy Coo?" asks the wife. "I'm going to the
bar, Pretty Face. I'm going to have a beer." "You want a beer, My
Love?" She opens the refrigerator door shows him 25 different brands
of beer from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India,
including six places he's never even heard of. The husband is
nonplussed, and all he can think to say is, "Yes, Honey Pie, but the
bar you know...the frozen glass..." He hasn't finished the sentence
before wifey interrupts him by saying, "You want a frozen glass, Puppy
Face?" She hands him a mug out of the freezer that is so cold that it
burns his fingers "Yes, Tootsie Roll," hubby says a bit desperately,
"but at the bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really
delicious... I won't be long. I'll be right back. I promise. OK?" "You
want hors d'oeuvres, Pookie Pooh?" She opens the oven and removes 15
different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in a blanket, mushroom
caps, pork strips, etc. "But, Sweetie, Honey...at the bar...you
know...the swearing, the dirty words and all that..." "You want dirty
words, Cutie Pie? Here...DRINK YOUR FUCKING BEER IN YOUR FROZEN
FUCKING MUG AND EAT YOUR FUCKING SNACKS, BECAUSE YOU AREN'T GOING
ANYWHERE! GOT IT, ASSHOLE?!!"