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The Statue - 46

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the
front door. "Hurry!" she said, "stand in the corner."

She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with
talcum powder. "Don't move until I tell you to," she whispered. "Just
pretend you're a statue."

"What's this, honey?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.

"Oh, it's just a statue," she replied nonchalantly. "The Smiths bought one
for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too." No more was
said about the statue, not even later that night when they went to sleep.

Around two in the morning the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen
and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk.

"Here," he said to the 'statue', "eat something. I stood like an idiot at
the Smiths' for three days, and nobody offered me as much as a glass of
water."

Wine Connoisseur? - 8

Mother superior calls all the nuns together and says to them, "I must tell
you something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent."
"Thank God," says an elderly nun in the back. "I'm so tired of chardonnay."