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New Safeway Store - 7

We've been waiting for this store to open ....

The new Safeway near our house has an automatic water mister to keep the
produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant
thunder and the smell of fresh rain.

When you approach the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and witness the scent
of fresh hay.

When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle and the air
is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.

The veggie department features the smell of fresh buttered corn.

I don't buy toilet paper there any more.

Old Lady's Phone - 72

An elderly lady phoned her telephone company to report that her
telephone failed to ring when her friends called -- and that on the few
occasions when it did ring, her pet dog always moaned right before the phone
rang. The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this
psychic dog or senile elderly lady. He climbed a nearby telephone
pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house. The phone
didn't ring right away, but then the dog moaned loudly and the
telephone began to ring. Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman
found.....

1. The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground wire via a steel
chain and collar.
2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose.
3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the phone
number was called.
4. After a couple of such jolts, the dog would start moaning and then
urinate on himself and the ground.
5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing the phone
to ring.

....Which goes to show that some problems CAN be fixed by pissing and
moaning