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Diamonds - 13

An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young lass at his side.

He told the jeweler he was looking for a very special ring for his girlfriend.

The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring and showed it to him.

The old man said, "I don't think you understand, I want something very special."
At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over.
"Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000, the jeweler said."
The young woman's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.

The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it!"

The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated,

"By check, and I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds.

I'll pick the ring up on Monday afternoon."

Monday morning, a very distressed jeweler phoned the old man.

"There's no money in that account!"
"I know," said the old guy. " But can you
imagine the weekend I had!"

Like a baby - 48

A young couple is on their way to Vegas to get married. Before getting
there, the girl said to the guy that she has a confession to make: the
reason that they have not been too intimate is because she is very flat
chested. If he wishes to cancel the wedding, it's okay with her. The guy
thought about it for a while, and said he does not mind she is flat, and
sex is not the most important thing in a marriage.

Several miles down the road, the guy turned to the girl and said that he
also wants to make a confession; he said below his waist, it is just like
a baby. If the girl wants to cancel the marriage, it's okay with him. The
girl thought about it for a while and said that she does not mind, and she
also believed there are other things far more important than sex in a
marriage.

They were happy that they are honest with each other. They went on to
Vegas and got married. On their wedding night, the girl took off her
clothes, she was flat as a washboard. Finally, the guy took off his
clothes. One glance at the guy's naked body, the girl fainted and fell to
the floor.

After she became conscious the guy asked: "I told you before we got
married, why did you still faint?"

The girl said: "You told me it was just like a baby".

The guy replied: "Yes, 8 pounds and 21 inches".