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Custody Battle - 82

An old mountaineer and his young wife were getting a divorce in the
local court of a small, remote village. During the proceedings, custody of
the children was the big problem.

The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that since
she had brought the children into the world, she should be the one to
retain custody of them.

The old mountaineer was also seeking custody of the children. The
judge asked for his side of the story.

After a lengthy silence, the mountaineer rose from his chair and
said, "Judge, when I put a dollar into a coke machine and a coke comes out,
does it belong to me or the machine?"

Savings - 69

A small tourist hotel was all abuzz about an afternoon wedding where
the groom was 95 years old and the bride was 23. The groom looked pretty
feeble and the feeling was that the wedding night might kill him,
because his bride was a healthy, vivacious young woman.

But lo and behold, the next morning, the bride came down the main
staircase slowly, step by step, hanging onto the banister for dear
life.

She finally managed to get to the counter of the little shop in the
hotel. The clerk looked really concerned, "Whatever happened to you, honey?
You look like you've been wrestling an alligator!"

The bride groaned, hung on to the counter and managed to speak, "Ohhh
God! He told me he'd been saving up for 75 years, and I thought he meant
his money!!"