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A funeral - 101

A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away.
At the end of the service, the pall bearers are carrying the casket
out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They
hear a faint moan! They open the casket and find that the woman is
actually alive!

She lives for ten more years, and then dies. Once again, a ceremony is
held, and at the end of it, the pall bearers are again carrying out
the casket. As they carry the casket towards the door, the husband
cries out: "Watch that fucking wall!"

Insulting Parrot - 77

A lady was walking past a pet store when a parrot said, ''Hey, lady!
You're really ugly!" The lady was furious and continued on her way.

On the way home, she passed by the petstore again and the parrot once
more said "Hey, lady! You're really ugly!"

The lady was so angy that she went into the store and told the store
manager that she would sue the store if it didn't stop insulting her.

The store manager apologized profusely and promised he would make sure
the parrot didn't say it again.

The next day, the lady deliberately passed by the store to test the
parrot.

"Hey, lady!" the parrot said.

"Yes?" said the lady...

"You know!" said the parrot.