HOME TOP JOKES CATEGORY SUBMIT SEARCH CONTACT

Which one is funnier? Click to Pick!

Cremated husband - 30

Martha recently lost her husband.

She had him cremated and brought his ashes home.

Picking up the urn that he was in, she poured him out on the patio
table.

Then, while tracing her fingers in the ashes, she started talking to
him....

"Herman, you know that dishwasher you promised me? I bought it with
the insurance money!"

She paused for a minute tracing her fingers in the ashes then said,
"Herman, remember that car you promised me? Well, I also bought it
with the insurance money!"

Again, she paused for a few minutes and while tracing her fingers in
the ashes she said, "Herman, that diamond ring you promised me? Bought
it too, with the insurance money!"

Finally, still tracing her fingers in the ashes, She said, "Herman,
remember that blow job I promised you?"

"Here it comes."

Follow the doctors orders - 40

A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet.

"I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and
repeat
this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have
lost at
least five pounds.


When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds.


"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor says. "Did you follow my
instructions?"


The blonde nods.


"I'll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third
day."


"From hunger, you mean?" asked the doctor.


"No, from skipping."