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Doc, help me - 38

A guy goes to a doctor and says, "Doc, you've got to help me. My penis
is orange." Doctor pauses to think and asks the guy to drop his pants
so he can check. Damned if the guy's penis isn't orange. Doc tells the
guy, "This is very strange. Sometimes things like this are caused by a
lot of stress in a person's life."

Probing as to the causes of possible stress, the doc asks the guy,
"How are things going at work?" The guy responds that he was fired
about six weeks ago. The doctor tells him that this must be the cause
of the stress. Guy responds, "No. The boss was a real asshole, I had
to work 20-30 hours of overtime every week and I had no say in
anything that was happening. I found a new job a couple of weeks ago
where I can set my own hours, I'm getting paid double what I got on
the old job and the boss is a really great guy." So the doc figures
this isn't the reason.

He asks the guy, "How's your home life?" The guy says, "Well, I got
divorced about eight months ago." The doc figures that this has got to
be the reason for all of the guys stress. Guy says, "No. For years,
all I listened to was nag, nag, nag. God, am I glad to be rid of that
old bitch." So the doc takes a few minutes to think a little longer.

He inquires, "Do you have any hobbies or a social life?" The guy
replies, "No, not really. Most nights I sit home, watch some porno
flicks and munch on Cheetos."

Wine Connoisseur? - 8

Mother superior calls all the nuns together and says to them, "I must tell
you something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent."
"Thank God," says an elderly nun in the back. "I'm so tired of chardonnay."