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Lay offs - 52

There was a manager who was told by his boss that he had to get rid of at least one employee. So he narrowed the decision to one of two new employees, Jack or Mary. He then decided to speak to each one privately, and let their reactions help guide his decision.

So he called in Jack, explained the situation and, of course, Jack said he didn't want to lose his job, but he understood the boss's situation.

Then he called in Mary, and said, 'Mary, I've got a problem; By the end of the day, I've got to lay you or Jack off...'

And Mary says, 'Then you're gonna have to jack off. I've got a headache!'

suicidal - 60

I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, the wars,
global warming, my savings, Social Security, my credit card debt.....

I called samaritans.



Got a freakin' call center in Pakistan.

I told them I was suicidal.

They all got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.....