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Good-Bye - 15

A father put his three year old daughter to bed,
told her a story and
listened to her prayers which she ended by
saying:"God bless Mommy, God
bless daddy, God bless grandma and good-bye

The father asked, "Why did you say good-bye

The little girl said, "I don't know daddy, it just
seemed like the thing to do."

The next day grandpa died. The father thought it was
a strange coincidence.

A few months later the father put the girl to bed
and listened to her
prayers, which went like this: "God bless Mommy, God
Bless daddy and good-bye grandma."

The next day the grandmother died. Oh my gosh,
thought the father, this kid
is in contact with the other side. Several weeks
later when the girl was
going to bed the dad heard her say:
"God bless Mommy and good-bye daddy."

He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep
all night and got up at
the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was
nervous as a cat all day, had
lunch sent in and watched the clock. He figured if
he could get by until midnight he would be okay.
He felt safe in the
office, so instead of going
home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking
coffee, looking at his
watch and jumping at every sound. Finally midnight
arrived, he breathed a
sigh of relief and went home.

When he got home his wife said "I've never seen you
work so late, what's the matter?"
He said "I don't want to talk about it, I've just
spent the worst day of my life."

She said "You think you had a bad day, you'll never
believe what happened to me. This morning the milkman
dropped dead on our porch!

Doc, help me - 38

A guy goes to a doctor and says, "Doc, you've got to help me. My penis
is orange." Doctor pauses to think and asks the guy to drop his pants
so he can check. Damned if the guy's penis isn't orange. Doc tells the
guy, "This is very strange. Sometimes things like this are caused by a
lot of stress in a person's life."

Probing as to the causes of possible stress, the doc asks the guy,
"How are things going at work?" The guy responds that he was fired
about six weeks ago. The doctor tells him that this must be the cause
of the stress. Guy responds, "No. The boss was a real asshole, I had
to work 20-30 hours of overtime every week and I had no say in
anything that was happening. I found a new job a couple of weeks ago
where I can set my own hours, I'm getting paid double what I got on
the old job and the boss is a really great guy." So the doc figures
this isn't the reason.

He asks the guy, "How's your home life?" The guy says, "Well, I got
divorced about eight months ago." The doc figures that this has got to
be the reason for all of the guys stress. Guy says, "No. For years,
all I listened to was nag, nag, nag. God, am I glad to be rid of that
old bitch." So the doc takes a few minutes to think a little longer.

He inquires, "Do you have any hobbies or a social life?" The guy
replies, "No, not really. Most nights I sit home, watch some porno
flicks and munch on Cheetos."