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Dragging Dead Dear - 81

Two Redneck hunters were dragging their dead deer back to their
pickeup truck. Another hunter approached pulling his along too. "Hey," says
the lone hunter, "I don't want to tell you how to do something... but I
can tell you that it's much easier if you drag the deer in the opposite
direction. Then the antlers won't dig into the ground." After the
lone hunter left, the two Rednecks decided to give it a try. A little
while later one says to the other, "Ya know, that guy was right. This is a
lot easier!"
"Yep," the other added, "but we're gittin' further away from the

What Pissed Me Off? - 18

Coming into the bar and ordering a double, the man leaned over and
confided to the bartender, "I'm so pissed off !"

"Oh yeah? What happened?" asked the bartender politely.

"See, I met this beautiful woman who invited me back to her
home. We stripped off our clothes and jumped into bed and we were just
about to make love when her god damned husband came in the front door.
So I had to jump out of the bedroom window and hang from the ledge by
my fingernails!"

"Gee, that's tough!" commiserated the bartender.

"Right, but that's not what really got me aggravated," the
customer went on.

"When her husband came into the room he said 'Hey great! You're naked
already! Let me just take a leak.' And damned if the lazy son of a
bitch didn't piss out the window right onto my head?"

"Yeech!" the bartender shook his head. "No wonder you're in a lousy

"Yeah, but I haven't told you what really, really got to me.
Next, I had to listen to them grunting and groaning and when they
finished, the husband tossed his condom out of the window. And where
does it land? My damned forehead!"

"Damn, that really is a drag!" says the bartender.

"Oh, I'm not finished. See what really pissed me off was when the
husband had to take a dump. It turns out that their toilet is broken,
so he stuck his ass out of the window and let loose right on my
head !"

The bartender paled. "That would sure mess up my day."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," the fellow rattled on, "but do you know what
REALLY, REALLY, REALLY pissed me off? When I looked down and saw that
my feet were only SIX inches off the ground.