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Wrong number - 86

There was this old woman who heard a song called "Two Lips and Seven
Kisses." She called up information after hearing the song on the radio
to get the name of the record company. In dialing, she erroneously
called up a gas station, and she asks, "Do you have "Two Lips and
Seven Kisses?"

The gas station attendant who answered the phone said, "No, but I have
two nuts and seven inches!"

So the woman asked, "Is this a record?"

To which the man replied, "No, its average!"

New Doctor - 10

I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and
exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing "fairly well" for my age.
A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him,
"Do you think I'll live to be 80?"
He asked, "Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer or wine?" "Oh no," I
replied. "I'm not doing drugs, either."
Then he asked, "Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?"
I said, "No, my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!"
"Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking,
or bicycling?"
"No, I don't," I said.
He asked, "Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?"
"No," I said. "I don't do any of those things."

He looked at me and said, "Then, why do you give a shit?"