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After Vegas - 67

Three buddies decided to take their wives on a week-long vacation to
Las Vegas. The week flew by and they all had a great time. After they
returned home and the men went back to work, the men sat around at break and
discussed their vacation.

The first guy said, "I don't think I'll ever do that again! Ever since
we got back, my wife flings her arms and hollers, '7 come 11' all night,
and I haven't had a wink of sleep!"

The second guy said, "I know what you mean. My wife played blackjack the
whole time we were there, and she slaps the bed all night and hollers,
'Hit me light' or 'hit me hard!' and I haven't had a wink of sleep
either!"

The third guy said, "You guys think you have it bad! My wife played the
slots the whole time we were there, and I wake up each morning with a
sore dick and an ass full of quarters."

Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96 - 37

Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96
lived in a house together. One night the 96 year old draws a bath. She
puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the other sisters, "Was I
getting in or out of the bath?"

The 94 year old yells back, "I don’t know. I’ll come up and see."

She starts up the stairs and pauses "Was I going up the stairs or
down?" The 92 year old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea
listening to her sisters.

She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that
forgetful" (knocks on wood).

She then yells, "I’ll come up and help both of you as soon as I see
who’s at the door."