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Alligator Shoes - 14

A young blonde was on vacation and driving through the Everglades She wanted
to take home a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was
very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle on prices" attitude of
one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Well then, maybe I'll just go
out and catch my own alligator, so I can get a pair of shoes for free!"

The shopkeeper said with a sly, knowing smile, "Little lady, just go and
give it a try!" The blonde headed out toward the swamps, determined to catch
an alligator.

Later in the day, as the shopkeeper is driving home, he pulls over to the
side of the levee where he spots that same young woman standing waist deep
in the murky bayou water, shotgun in hand.

Just then, he spots a huge 9-foot gator swimming rapidly toward her. With
lightning speed, she takes aim, kills the creature and hauls it onto the
slimy bank of the swamp. Lying nearby were 7 more of the dead creatures, all
lying on their backs.

The shopkeeper stood on the bank, watching in silent amazement. The blonde
struggled and flipped the gator onto its back. Rolling her eyes heaven-ward
and screaming in great frustration, she shouts out...

"SHIT... THIS ONE'S BAREFOOT TOO!"

Old Lady's Phone - 72

An elderly lady phoned her telephone company to report that her
telephone failed to ring when her friends called -- and that on the few
occasions when it did ring, her pet dog always moaned right before the phone
rang. The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this
psychic dog or senile elderly lady. He climbed a nearby telephone
pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house. The phone
didn't ring right away, but then the dog moaned loudly and the
telephone began to ring. Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman
found.....

1. The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground wire via a steel
chain and collar.
2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose.
3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the phone
number was called.
4. After a couple of such jolts, the dog would start moaning and then
urinate on himself and the ground.
5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing the phone
to ring.

....Which goes to show that some problems CAN be fixed by pissing and
moaning