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New Doctor - 10

I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and
exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing "fairly well" for my age.
A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him,
"Do you think I'll live to be 80?"
He asked, "Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer or wine?" "Oh no," I
replied. "I'm not doing drugs, either."
Then he asked, "Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?"
I said, "No, my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!"
"Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking,
or bicycling?"
"No, I don't," I said.
He asked, "Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?"
"No," I said. "I don't do any of those things."

He looked at me and said, "Then, why do you give a shit?"

Snip Snip - 21

A midget complained to his doctor that his testicles ached all the
time.

The physician told the midget to drop his pants. The doctor then
lifted him up onto the table to take a look.

Putting one finger under the left testicle, the doctor had the midget
cough. "Hmmm" said the doctor. Then, putting his finger under the
right testicle, the doc asked the midget to cough again.

"Ahhh!" said the doctor, as he reached for his surgical scissors.
Snip, snip, snip on the right side & then snip, snip, snip on the left
side.

The doctor then told the midget to pull up his pants and see if he
still ached.

The midget was delighted with the result. He walked around the doc's
office and his testicles did not ache.

"What did you do Doc?" he asked.

The doc replied, "I cut two inches off the top of your cowboy boots."
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