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Walking the dog - 105

"Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?" a little girl
asked. "No, I don't think so. Fifi is in heat," replied the mother.
"What does that mean?" asked the child. Embarrassed and not wanting to
get into a biological discussion with her young daughter, the Mother
said, "Oh, just go ask your father. I think he is in the garage."

The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad, may I take Fifi for
a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said that Fifi was in
heat, and that I had to come talk to you." Not wanting to have the
biological discussion either, the father said, "Bring Fifi over here."
He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's rear
end with it. "Okay, now you can go for a walk but keep Fifi on the
leash and you can only go around the block once."

The little girl left, and returned a few minutes later with NO DOG on
the leash. "Where is Fifi?" her father asked. "She should be here in a
minute," advised the daughter. "She ran out of gas about halfway down
the block and another dog is pushing her home."

Never argue with a woman - 75

One morning, the husband returns the boat to their lakeside cottage after
several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.

Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out.

She motors out a short distance, anchors, puts her feet up, and begins to
read her book.

The peace and solitude are magnificent.

Along comes a Fish & Game Warden, in his boat.

He pulls up alongside the woman and says, 'Good morning, Ma'am. What are you
doing?'

'Reading a book,' she replies (thinking, 'Isn't that obvious?').

'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her.

'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading.'

'Yes, but I see you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start
at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.'

'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault,' says the
woman.

'But I haven't even touched you,' says the Fish & Game Warden.

'That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start
at any moment.'

'Have a nice day ma'am'. And with that he left.

MORAL:
Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.