HOME TOP JOKES CATEGORY SUBMIT SEARCH CONTACT

Which one is funnier? Click to Pick!

A palm reader - 96

Paul was ambling through a crowded street fair when he decided to stop
and sit at a Palm Reader's table. Said the mysterious old woman, "For
fifteen dollars, I can read your love line and tell your romantic
future."

Paul readily agreed and the reader took one look at his open palm and
said, "I can see that you have no girlfriend."

"That's true," said Paul.

"Oh my goodness, you are extremely lonely, aren't you?"

"Yes," Paul shamefully admitted. "That's amazing. Can you tell all of
this from my love line?"

"Love line? No, from the calluses and blisters."

The honeymoon is over - 107

The couple has been married only two weeks. The husband, although very
much in love, can't wait to go out on the town and party with his old
buddies. "Honey," says he to his new bride, "I'll be right back..."
"Where are you going, Coochy Coo?" asks the wife. "I'm going to the
bar, Pretty Face. I'm going to have a beer." "You want a beer, My
Love?" She opens the refrigerator door shows him 25 different brands
of beer from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India,
including six places he's never even heard of. The husband is
nonplussed, and all he can think to say is, "Yes, Honey Pie, but the
bar you know...the frozen glass..." He hasn't finished the sentence
before wifey interrupts him by saying, "You want a frozen glass, Puppy
Face?" She hands him a mug out of the freezer that is so cold that it
burns his fingers "Yes, Tootsie Roll," hubby says a bit desperately,
"but at the bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really
delicious... I won't be long. I'll be right back. I promise. OK?" "You
want hors d'oeuvres, Pookie Pooh?" She opens the oven and removes 15
different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in a blanket, mushroom
caps, pork strips, etc. "But, Sweetie, Honey...at the bar...you
know...the swearing, the dirty words and all that..." "You want dirty
words, Cutie Pie? Here...DRINK YOUR FUCKING BEER IN YOUR FROZEN
FUCKING MUG AND EAT YOUR FUCKING SNACKS, BECAUSE YOU AREN'T GOING
ANYWHERE! GOT IT, ASSHOLE?!!"