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A funeral - 101

A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away.
At the end of the service, the pall bearers are carrying the casket
out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They
hear a faint moan! They open the casket and find that the woman is
actually alive!

She lives for ten more years, and then dies. Once again, a ceremony is
held, and at the end of it, the pall bearers are again carrying out
the casket. As they carry the casket towards the door, the husband
cries out: "Watch that fucking wall!"

Wrong number - 86

There was this old woman who heard a song called "Two Lips and Seven
Kisses." She called up information after hearing the song on the radio
to get the name of the record company. In dialing, she erroneously
called up a gas station, and she asks, "Do you have "Two Lips and
Seven Kisses?"

The gas station attendant who answered the phone said, "No, but I have
two nuts and seven inches!"

So the woman asked, "Is this a record?"

To which the man replied, "No, its average!"