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Cremated husband - 30

Martha recently lost her husband.

She had him cremated and brought his ashes home.

Picking up the urn that he was in, she poured him out on the patio
table.

Then, while tracing her fingers in the ashes, she started talking to
him....

"Herman, you know that dishwasher you promised me? I bought it with
the insurance money!"

She paused for a minute tracing her fingers in the ashes then said,
"Herman, remember that car you promised me? Well, I also bought it
with the insurance money!"

Again, she paused for a few minutes and while tracing her fingers in
the ashes she said, "Herman, that diamond ring you promised me? Bought
it too, with the insurance money!"

Finally, still tracing her fingers in the ashes, She said, "Herman,
remember that blow job I promised you?"

"Here it comes."

I Know the Whole Truth - 62

At school Little Johnny was told by a classmate that most adults are
hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to
blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.” Little Johnny
decides to go home and try it out. He goes home, and as he is greeted
by his mother he says, “I know the whole truth.” His mother quickly
hands him $20 and says, “Just dont tell your father.” Quite pleased,
the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him
with, “I know the whole truth.” The father promptly hands him $40 and
says, “Please dont say a word to your mother.” Very pleased, the boy
is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his
front door. The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.”
The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says,
“Then come give your real father a big hug.”