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The wife and the mortician - 104

The mortician calls Mrs. Banley, and says, "Excuse me Mrs. Banley, but
I can't seem to close the lid to your husband's coffin because he has
a huge erection." To which she replies, "Why don't you cut it off and
stick it up his ass? That's the only hole in town it hasn't been in."

An Old Man Visit His Doctor - 64

An old man visits his doctor and after thorough examination the doctor
tells him: “I have good news and bad news, what would you like to hear
first?”Patient: “Well, give me the bad news first.”Doctor: “You have
cancer, I estimate that you have about two years left.”Patient: “OH
NO! Thats awefull! In two years my life will be over! What kind of
good news could you probably tell me, after this???”Doctor: “You also
have Alzheimers. In about three months you are going to forget
everything I told you.”