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Last Delivery - 34

It was mailman George's last day on the job after 35 years of
delivering the mail through all kinds of weather. When he arrived at
the first house on his route, the whole family came out, roundly
congratulated him, and sent him on his way with a tidy gift envelope.

At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The
folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing
lures.

At the next house, he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful
woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, and led him
up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most
passionate love he had ever experienced.

When he'd had enough, they went downstairs, where she fixed him a
giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles and
fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied, she poured
him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar
bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge.

"All this is just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the
dollar for?"

"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be
your last day, and that I wanted to do something special for you. I
asked him what to give you. He said, 'Screw him. Give him a dollar.'"

"Breakfast was my idea."

Old Graveyard - 71

Three rednecks, Bubba, Earl and Jeb, were stumbling home late one
night and found themselves on the road that led past the old graveyard.

"Come have a look over here", says Bubba, "It's Zeb Jones' grave, God
bless his soul, he lived to the ripe old age of 87."

"That's nothing", says Earl, "here's one named Butch Smith. It says
here that he was 95 when he died."

Just then, Jeb yells out, "But here's a fella that died when he was
145 years old!"

"What was his name?" asks Bubba.

Jeb lights a match to see what else is written on the stone marker,
and exclaims, "Miles, from Georgia.".