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HONK if you love Jesus - 54

The other day I went to the local religious book store, where I saw a
HONK IF YOU LOVE JESUS bumper sticker. I bought it and put it on the
back bumper of my car, and I'm really glad I did. What an uplifting
experience followed.

I was stopped at the light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought
about the Lord, and didn't notice that the light had changed. That
bumper sticker really worked! I found lots of people who love Jesus.
Why, the guy behind me started to honk like crazy. He must REALLY love
the lord because pretty soon, he leaned out his window and yelled,
"Jesus Christ!!" as loud as he could. It was like a football game
with him shouting, "GO JESUS CHRIST,GO!!!" Everyone else started honking,
too, so I leaned out my window and waved and smiled to all of those
loving people.

There must have been a guy from Florida back there
because I could hear him yelling something about a sunny beach, and saw
him waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the
air. I asked my two kids what that meant. They kind of squirmed, looked
at each other, giggled and told me that it was the Hawaiian good luck
sign. So, I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back.
Several cars behind, a very nice black man stepped out of his car and
yelled something. I couldn't hear him very well, but it sounded like,
"Mother trucker," or "Mother's from there." Maybe he was from Florida,
too. He must really love the Lord. A couple of the people were so caught
up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and were
walking toward me. I bet they wanted to pray, but just then I noticed
that the light had changed, and stepped on the gas. And a good thing
I did, because I was the only driver to get across the intersection. I
looked back at them standing there. I leaned way out the window, gave
them a big smile and held up the Hawaiian good luck sign, as I drove
away. Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks.

Alligator Shoes - 14

A young blonde was on vacation and driving through the Everglades She wanted
to take home a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was
very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle on prices" attitude of
one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Well then, maybe I'll just go
out and catch my own alligator, so I can get a pair of shoes for free!"

The shopkeeper said with a sly, knowing smile, "Little lady, just go and
give it a try!" The blonde headed out toward the swamps, determined to catch
an alligator.

Later in the day, as the shopkeeper is driving home, he pulls over to the
side of the levee where he spots that same young woman standing waist deep
in the murky bayou water, shotgun in hand.

Just then, he spots a huge 9-foot gator swimming rapidly toward her. With
lightning speed, she takes aim, kills the creature and hauls it onto the
slimy bank of the swamp. Lying nearby were 7 more of the dead creatures, all
lying on their backs.

The shopkeeper stood on the bank, watching in silent amazement. The blonde
struggled and flipped the gator onto its back. Rolling her eyes heaven-ward
and screaming in great frustration, she shouts out...

"SHIT... THIS ONE'S BAREFOOT TOO!"