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Alligator Shoes - 14

A young blonde was on vacation and driving through the Everglades She wanted
to take home a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was
very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle on prices" attitude of
one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Well then, maybe I'll just go
out and catch my own alligator, so I can get a pair of shoes for free!"

The shopkeeper said with a sly, knowing smile, "Little lady, just go and
give it a try!" The blonde headed out toward the swamps, determined to catch
an alligator.

Later in the day, as the shopkeeper is driving home, he pulls over to the
side of the levee where he spots that same young woman standing waist deep
in the murky bayou water, shotgun in hand.

Just then, he spots a huge 9-foot gator swimming rapidly toward her. With
lightning speed, she takes aim, kills the creature and hauls it onto the
slimy bank of the swamp. Lying nearby were 7 more of the dead creatures, all
lying on their backs.

The shopkeeper stood on the bank, watching in silent amazement. The blonde
struggled and flipped the gator onto its back. Rolling her eyes heaven-ward
and screaming in great frustration, she shouts out...

"SHIT... THIS ONE'S BAREFOOT TOO!"

After Vegas - 67

Three buddies decided to take their wives on a week-long vacation to
Las Vegas. The week flew by and they all had a great time. After they
returned home and the men went back to work, the men sat around at break and
discussed their vacation.

The first guy said, "I don't think I'll ever do that again! Ever since
we got back, my wife flings her arms and hollers, '7 come 11' all night,
and I haven't had a wink of sleep!"

The second guy said, "I know what you mean. My wife played blackjack the
whole time we were there, and she slaps the bed all night and hollers,
'Hit me light' or 'hit me hard!' and I haven't had a wink of sleep
either!"

The third guy said, "You guys think you have it bad! My wife played the
slots the whole time we were there, and I wake up each morning with a
sore dick and an ass full of quarters."