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Keep your story straight - 83

Joe had gone to propose to his girlfriend and returned home crying
bitterly. "What happened, son?" his father asked, eagerly awaiting
her response. "Did she accept?"

"No, she sure didn't," sobbed Joe. "When I told her what you advised
me to say, she slapped my face and told me to get the hell out."

"Did you begin by telling her what I told you to say, what I told
your mother when she accepted my proposal? 'Sweetheart, time stands still
when I look in your eyes.' Did you tell her that?" asked his father.

"Oh boy, dad, did I got it all wrong," Joe groaned. "I said, 'MY Dear,
you have a face that would stop a clock!'"

After Vegas - 67

Three buddies decided to take their wives on a week-long vacation to
Las Vegas. The week flew by and they all had a great time. After they
returned home and the men went back to work, the men sat around at break and
discussed their vacation.

The first guy said, "I don't think I'll ever do that again! Ever since
we got back, my wife flings her arms and hollers, '7 come 11' all night,
and I haven't had a wink of sleep!"

The second guy said, "I know what you mean. My wife played blackjack the
whole time we were there, and she slaps the bed all night and hollers,
'Hit me light' or 'hit me hard!' and I haven't had a wink of sleep
either!"

The third guy said, "You guys think you have it bad! My wife played the
slots the whole time we were there, and I wake up each morning with a
sore dick and an ass full of quarters."