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A different vacation this year - 100

Bob says to Lester, "You know, I reckon I'm about ready for a
vacation, only this year I'm gonna do it a little different. The last
few years, I took your advice as to where to go. Two years ago you
said to go to Hawaii, I went to Hawaii, and Marie got pregnant. Then
last year, you told me to go to the Bahamas, I went to the Bahamas,
and Marie got pregnant again." Lester says, "So what you gonna do
different this year?" Bob says, "This year, I'm takin' Marie with
me..."

Claude the hypnotist - 43

It was entertainment night at the Senior Centre ..

Claude the hypnotist exclaimed: "I'm here to put you all into a trance
- I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience."

The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful
antique pocket watch from his coat. The polished metal gleamed in the
light.

Claude the hypnotist said: "I want you each to keep your eyes on this
antique watch. It's a very special watch. It's been in my family for
six generations."

He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly
chanting, "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch ..."

The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light
shimmering off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes
followed the swaying watch, until, suddenly, it slipped from the
hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, shattering into a hundred
pieces.

"shit!" said the Hypnotist.

It took 3 days to clean up the Senior Centre