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holy Joke - 103

An old lady dies and goes to heaven.


She's chatting it up with St. Peter at the Pearly Gates
when all of a sudden she hears the most awful, blood curdling screams.

Don't worry about that,' says St. Peter,
'It's only someone having the holes drilled into her
shoulder blades for the wings.'

The old lady looks a little uncomfortable
but carries on with the conversation.



A few minutes later, there are more blood curdling screams.

'Oh my Goodness,' says the old lady,
'now what is happening?'

'Not to worry,' says St. Peter,
'She's just having her head drilled to fit the halo.'

'I can't do this,' says the old lady, 'I'm going to hell.'

'You can't go to that nasty place,' says St. Peter.
'You'll be raped and buggered.'

'Maybe so,' says the old lady,

but I've already got the holes for that.'

Discovery Channel - 80

A couple was watching a Discovery Channel special about an African
bush tribe whose men all had penises 24 inches long.

When males reach a certain age, a string is tied around the penis and
on the other end is a weight. After a while, the weight stretches the
penis to 24 inches.

Later that evening as the husband was getting out of the shower, his
wife looked down at him and said, "How about we try the African
string-and-weight procedure?"

The husband agreed and they tied a string and weight to his penis.

A few days later, the wife asked the husband, "How is our little
tribal experiment coming along?"

"Well, it looks like we're about half way there," he replied.

"Wow, you've grown to 12 inches??"

"No...it's turned black."