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Mom And Uncle Frank - 122


It's Saturday morning and Bob's just about to set off on a round of
golf, when he realizes that he forgot to tell his wife that the guy
who fixes the washing machine is coming around at noon. So Bob heads
back to the clubhouse and phones home. "Hello?" says a little girl's
voice. "Hi, honey, it's Daddy," says Bob. "Is Mommy near the phone?"
"No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Frank." After a
brief pause, Bob says, "But you haven't got an Uncle Frank, honey!"
"Yes, I do, and he's upstairs in the bedroom with Mommy!" "Okay, then.
Here's what I want you do. Put down the phone, run upstairs and knock
on the bedroom door and shout in to Mommy and Uncle Frank that my
car's just pulled up outside the house." "Okay, Daddy!" A few minutes
later, the little girl comes back to the phone. "Well, I did what you
said, Daddy." "And what happened?" "Well, Mommy jumped out of bed with
no clothes on and ran around screaming, then she tripped over the rug
and went out the front window and now she's all dead." "Oh, my God!
What about Uncle Frank?" "He jumped out of bed with no clothes on too,
and he was all scared and he jumped out the back window into the
swimming pool. But he must have forgot that last week you took out all
the water to clean it, so he hit the bottom of the swimming pool and
now he's dead too." There is a long pause. "Swimming pool? Is this
854-7039?"

Lay offs - 52

There was a manager who was told by his boss that he had to get rid of at least one employee. So he narrowed the decision to one of two new employees, Jack or Mary. He then decided to speak to each one privately, and let their reactions help guide his decision.

So he called in Jack, explained the situation and, of course, Jack said he didn't want to lose his job, but he understood the boss's situation.

Then he called in Mary, and said, 'Mary, I've got a problem; By the end of the day, I've got to lay you or Jack off...'

And Mary says, 'Then you're gonna have to jack off. I've got a headache!'