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Golf Story - 17

Stevie Wonder and Tiger Woods are in a restaurant
having dinner.

Woods turns to Wonder and says, "How's the singing
career going?"

Stevie Wonder replies, "Not too bad. How's the golf?"

Woods replies, "Not too bad, I've had some problems
with my swing, but I think I've got that going right now."

Stevie says, "I always find that when my swing goes
wrong, I need to stop
playing for a while and not think about it. Then,
the next time I play, it seems to be all right."

Tiger says, "You play golf?"

Wonder says, "Oh, yes, I've been playing for years."

Woods says, "But you're blind! How can you play golf
if you can't see?"
Wonder replies, "I get my caddy to stand in the
middle of the fairway and
call to me. I listen for the sound of his voice and
play the ball toward
him. Then, when I get to where the ball lands, the
caddy moves to the
green or farther down the fairway and again I play
the ball toward his voice."

But how do you putt?" asks Woods.

"Well," says Stevie, "I get my caddy to lean down in
front of the hole and
call to me with his head on the ground, and I just
play the ball toward his voice."

Woods asks, "What's your handicap?"

Stevie says, "Well, I'm a scratch golfer."

Woods, incredulous, says to Stevie, "We've got to
play a round sometime."

Wonder replies, "Well, people don't take me
seriously, so I only play for
money, and never play for less than $10,000 a hole."

Woods thinks about it and says, "OK, I'm for that,
when would you like to play?"

Stevie says, "Pick any night this month."

The Drunk and the Biker - 36

A drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar and orders
a drink. Looking around, he sees three men sitting at a corner table.
He gets up, staggers to the table, leans over, looks the biggest,
meanest, biker in the face and says:

'I went by your grandma's house today and I saw her in the hallway
buck naked. Man, she is one fine looking woman!'

The biker looks at him and doesn't say a word. His buddies are
confused, because he is one bad biker and would fight at the drop of a
hat.

The drunk leans on the table again and says: 'I got it on with your
grandma and she is good, the best I ever had!'

The biker's buddies are starting to get really mad, but the biker
still says nothing.

The drunk leans on the table one more time and says, 'I'll tell you
something else, boy, your grandma liked it!'

At this point the biker stands up, takes the drunk by the shoulders
looks him square in the eyes and says....................
'Grandpa;....... Go home!