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Walking the dog - 105

"Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?" a little girl
asked. "No, I don't think so. Fifi is in heat," replied the mother.
"What does that mean?" asked the child. Embarrassed and not wanting to
get into a biological discussion with her young daughter, the Mother
said, "Oh, just go ask your father. I think he is in the garage."

The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad, may I take Fifi for
a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said that Fifi was in
heat, and that I had to come talk to you." Not wanting to have the
biological discussion either, the father said, "Bring Fifi over here."
He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's rear
end with it. "Okay, now you can go for a walk but keep Fifi on the
leash and you can only go around the block once."

The little girl left, and returned a few minutes later with NO DOG on
the leash. "Where is Fifi?" her father asked. "She should be here in a
minute," advised the daughter. "She ran out of gas about halfway down
the block and another dog is pushing her home."

New Doctor - 10

I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and
exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing "fairly well" for my age.
A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him,
"Do you think I'll live to be 80?"
He asked, "Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer or wine?" "Oh no," I
replied. "I'm not doing drugs, either."
Then he asked, "Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?"
I said, "No, my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!"
"Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking,
or bicycling?"
"No, I don't," I said.
He asked, "Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?"
"No," I said. "I don't do any of those things."

He looked at me and said, "Then, why do you give a shit?"