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Like a baby - 48

A young couple is on their way to Vegas to get married. Before getting
there, the girl said to the guy that she has a confession to make: the
reason that they have not been too intimate is because she is very flat
chested. If he wishes to cancel the wedding, it's okay with her. The guy
thought about it for a while, and said he does not mind she is flat, and
sex is not the most important thing in a marriage.

Several miles down the road, the guy turned to the girl and said that he
also wants to make a confession; he said below his waist, it is just like
a baby. If the girl wants to cancel the marriage, it's okay with him. The
girl thought about it for a while and said that she does not mind, and she
also believed there are other things far more important than sex in a
marriage.

They were happy that they are honest with each other. They went on to
Vegas and got married. On their wedding night, the girl took off her
clothes, she was flat as a washboard. Finally, the guy took off his
clothes. One glance at the guy's naked body, the girl fainted and fell to
the floor.

After she became conscious the guy asked: "I told you before we got
married, why did you still faint?"

The girl said: "You told me it was just like a baby".

The guy replied: "Yes, 8 pounds and 21 inches".

How he died - 90

When her husband passed away, the wife put the usual death notice in
the newspaper, but added that he had died of gonorrhea. Once the daily
newspapers had been delivered, a good friend of the family phoned and
complained bitterly, "You know very well that he died of diarrhea, not
gonorrhea." Replied the widow, "Yes, I know that he died of diarrhea,
but I thought it would be better for posterity to remember him as a
great lover rather than the big shit that he really was."