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Birth Control - 53

There were several women sitting around talking at their weekly club
meeting.The topic of birth control came up and they started
comparing methods.

The first woman said that she and her husband relied on the pill. It
had been effective for them since they had started using it after
their 4th child was born.

The second woman said that she used the rhythm method. But she hated
having to watch the calendar.

The third woman said that she used condoms, but wished that her
husband would remember to buy them himself.

The fourth woman said
that she and her husband had found the perfect prevention method.
They used the "saucer and pail" method. All ears were opened at that
comment. She went on to explain.... Her husband is shorter than
she, so he stands on a pail whenever they make love, and when his
eyes get as big as saucers, she kicks the pail out from underneath
him.

Cowboy Boots - 121

An elderly couple,

Margaret and Bert, moved to Texas .

Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so, seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home.

Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, 'Notice anything different about me?'

Margaret looked him over. 'Nope.'

Frustrated, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots.

Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time, 'Notice anything different NOW?'

Margaret looked up and exclaimed, 'Bert, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow!'

Furious, Bert yelled,

'AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?'

'Nope', she replied.

'IT'S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!'

Without changing her expression,

Margaret replied,

'Shoulda bought a hat, Bert.

Shoulda bought a hat.'