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Birth Control - 53

There were several women sitting around talking at their weekly club
meeting.The topic of birth control came up and they started
comparing methods.

The first woman said that she and her husband relied on the pill. It
had been effective for them since they had started using it after
their 4th child was born.

The second woman said that she used the rhythm method. But she hated
having to watch the calendar.

The third woman said that she used condoms, but wished that her
husband would remember to buy them himself.

The fourth woman said
that she and her husband had found the perfect prevention method.
They used the "saucer and pail" method. All ears were opened at that
comment. She went on to explain.... Her husband is shorter than
she, so he stands on a pail whenever they make love, and when his
eyes get as big as saucers, she kicks the pail out from underneath
him.

Wrong number - 86

There was this old woman who heard a song called "Two Lips and Seven
Kisses." She called up information after hearing the song on the radio
to get the name of the record company. In dialing, she erroneously
called up a gas station, and she asks, "Do you have "Two Lips and
Seven Kisses?"

The gas station attendant who answered the phone said, "No, but I have
two nuts and seven inches!"

So the woman asked, "Is this a record?"

To which the man replied, "No, its average!"