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A guy walks into a bar with his midget wife and takes a stool, with
his wife standing next to him. The bartender was busy at the other end
and didn't see them when they walked in. When he got done serving the
customers there, he walked down the bar and asks the new customer what
he would like. He asks for two glasses of beer, which the barman
brings. After leaving him, the bartender goes about serving other
patrons, when he notices the man has finished his beers. He asks if he
would like a refill, and the man says, "Yes. I'll have a couple more.
"The barman gets two more beers and sets them in front of the man.
Never having seen anyone with the guy, his curiosity is piqued, and he
asks him, "Why, do you order two drinks at a time?"
The man replies, "Oh, one is for me, and the other for my wife."
Astounded, having not seen the midget wife, the bartender says, "Your
wife? Where is she?"
"She's standing here next to me."
The bartender, standing on his toes, leaning forward looking over the
edge of the bar, utters, "Well, I'll be God damned, she ain't any
bigger than your hand!"
The man replies, "No, but she's a lot better!"
t the end of the tax year, the Tax Office sent an inspector to audit
the books of a synagogue.
While he was checking the books, he turned to the Rabbi and said, "I
notice you buy a lot of candles. What do you do with the candle
"Good question," noted the Rabbi. "We save them up and send them to
the candle makers, and every now and then they send us a free box of
"Oh," replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual
question had a practical answer.
But on he went, in his obnoxious way: "What about all these biscuit
purchases? What do you do with the crumbs?"
"Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi, realizing that the inspector was trying
to trap him with an unanswerable question. "We collect them and send
them back to the manufacturers, and every now and then they send a
free box of holy biscuits."
"I see," replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster
the know-it-all Rabbi.
"Well, Rabbi," he went on, "What do you do with all the leftover
foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?"
"Here, too, we do not waste," answered the Rabbi. "What we do is save
up all the foreskins and send them to the Tax Office, and about once a
year they send us a complete dick."