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New Math - 9

This equation should be taught in all math classes!

From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this:

What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

and
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But,

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 127%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the Bullshit and Ass kissing that will put you over the top!

If I may add one more equation:

W-H-O Y-O-U K-N-O-W
23+8+15+25+15+21+11+14+15+23 = 170%

Blonde Joke - 11

A blonde, wanting to earn some extra money,
decided to hire herself out as a "handy-woman" and
started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood.


She went to the front door of the first house, and
asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my
porch," he said, "How much will you charge me?"


The blonde quickly responded, "How about $50?"

The man agreed and told her that the paint and

everything she would need were in the garage

The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to
her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes
all the way around the house?"

He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?"

The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm
starting to believe all those 'dumb blonde' jokes
we've been getting by e-mail lately." A short time
later, the blonde came to the door to collect her
money.

"You're finished already?" the husband asked.

"Yes," the blonde replied, "and I had paint left
over, so I gave it two coats."

Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the
$50.00 and handed it to her.

"And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a
Porch, it's a Lexus