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suicidal - 60

I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, the wars,
global warming, my savings, Social Security, my credit card debt.....

I called samaritans.



Got a freakin' call center in Pakistan.

I told them I was suicidal.

They all got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.....

You get what you pay for - 102

George and Harriet decided to celebrate their 25th Wedding Anniversary
with a trip to Las Vegas. When they entered the hotel/casino and
registered, a sweet young woman dressed in a very short skirt became
very friendly. George brushed her off. Harriet objected, "George, that
young woman was nice, and you were so rude."

"Harriet, she's a prostitute."

"I don't believe you. That sweet young thing?"

"Let's go up to our room and I'll prove it."

In their room, George called down to the desk and asked for 'Bambi' to
come to room 1217. "Now," he said, "you hide in the bathroom with the
door open just enough to hear us, OK?" Soon, there was a knock on the
door. George opened it and Bambi walked in, swirling her hips
provocatively. George asked, "How much do you charge?" "$125 basic
rate, $100 tips for special services." Even George was taken aback.
"$125! I was thinking more in the range of $25." Bambi laughed
derisively. "You must really be a hick if you think you can buy sex
for that price."

"Well," said George, "I guess we can't do business. Goodbye." After
she left, Harriet came out of the bathroom. She said, "I just can't
believe it!" George said, "Let's forget it. We'll go have a drink,
then eat
dinner." At the bar, as they sipped their cocktails, Bambi came up
behind George, pointed slyly at Harriet, and said, "See what you get
for $25?"