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Lay offs - 52

There was a manager who was told by his boss that he had to get rid of at least one employee. So he narrowed the decision to one of two new employees, Jack or Mary. He then decided to speak to each one privately, and let their reactions help guide his decision.

So he called in Jack, explained the situation and, of course, Jack said he didn't want to lose his job, but he understood the boss's situation.

Then he called in Mary, and said, 'Mary, I've got a problem; By the end of the day, I've got to lay you or Jack off...'

And Mary says, 'Then you're gonna have to jack off. I've got a headache!'

Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96 - 37

Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96
lived in a house together. One night the 96 year old draws a bath. She
puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the other sisters, "Was I
getting in or out of the bath?"

The 94 year old yells back, "I don’t know. I’ll come up and see."

She starts up the stairs and pauses "Was I going up the stairs or
down?" The 92 year old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea
listening to her sisters.

She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that
forgetful" (knocks on wood).

She then yells, "I’ll come up and help both of you as soon as I see
who’s at the door."