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Dragging Dead Dear - 81

Two Redneck hunters were dragging their dead deer back to their
pickeup truck. Another hunter approached pulling his along too. "Hey," says
the lone hunter, "I don't want to tell you how to do something... but I
can tell you that it's much easier if you drag the deer in the opposite
direction. Then the antlers won't dig into the ground." After the
lone hunter left, the two Rednecks decided to give it a try. A little
while later one says to the other, "Ya know, that guy was right. This is a
lot easier!"
"Yep," the other added, "but we're gittin' further away from the
truck..."

Holy Bread - 74

A sales representative from a major chicken producer is sent on a
mission to the Vatican.
He meets with the Pope: "Holy Father, my company would like to make a
substantial donation to the Holy Mother Church - but there's only one
condition...."

"Yes, my son?"
"We'd like you to authorize changing the Lord's Prayer from "Give us
this day our daily bread to give us this day, our daily chicken."
"I don't know my Son. Tradition and all, you know."
"Well your Holiness, we are prepared to give you a Million dollars to
do this."
"I don't know my Son. Tradition and all, you know."
So, the chicken man, hurries off for a quick phone call to his boss
and he comes back.
"Your Worship, I am authorized to go up to one Billion dollars if you
change "Give us this
day our daily bread, to give us this day our daily chicken."
The Pope shrugs with a smile and says, "Well, now, my Son, give me a
call tomorrow."
Later that day the Pope has a big meeting with his Cardinals,
Bishops, Priests the whole Vatican family is there.
He says to them, "Boys, I gotta some a good news, and I gotta some a
bad news...."
"The good news is that the Holy Mother Church has come into one
Billion dollars!!"
(CHEERING! APPLAUSE! BRAVO! BRAVO!!!)
"Boys, the bad news is that we have lost the Wonderbread account!"