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Searching - 25

There were two blondes who went deep into the frozen woods searching for a
Christmas tree. After hours of subzero temperatures a few close calls with
hungry wolves, one blonde turned to the other and said, "I'm chopping down
the next tree I see. I don't care whether it's decorated or not!"

suicidal - 60

I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, the wars,
global warming, my savings, Social Security, my credit card debt.....

I called samaritans.



Got a freakin' call center in Pakistan.

I told them I was suicidal.

They all got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.....