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Badge of office - 114

A DEA agent, together with an ATF and a FBI agent, as part of a task force,
arrive at a ranch in western Nebraska.
The agents tell the rancher, "We need to inspect your ranch for illegally
grown drugs."
The old rancher says, "Okay, but don't go in that field over there."
The DEA agent explodes saying, "Mister, we have the authority of the Federal
Government with us."
Reaching into his rear pocket and removing his badge, the agent proudly
displays it to the farmer.
"See this badge? This badge means we are allowed to go wherever we wish on
any land. No questions asked nor answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do
you understand?"
The old rancher nods politely and goes about his chores.
Later, the old rancher hears loud screams and spies the three agents running
for their lives. Close behind is the rancher's bull. With every step the
bull is gaining ground on the agents. They are clearly terrified.
The old rancher immediately throws down his tools, runs to the fence and
yells at the top of his lungs:
"Your badges! Show him your badges!"

Removing a curse - 97

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he
has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says, "Maybe,
but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the
curse on you. The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce
you man and wife."