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suicidal - 60

I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, the wars,
global warming, my savings, Social Security, my credit card debt.....

I called samaritans.



Got a freakin' call center in Pakistan.

I told them I was suicidal.

They all got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.....

Diamonds - 13

An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young lass at his side.

He told the jeweler he was looking for a very special ring for his girlfriend.

The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring and showed it to him.

The old man said, "I don't think you understand, I want something very special."
At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over.
"Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000, the jeweler said."
The young woman's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.

The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it!"

The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated,

"By check, and I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds.

I'll pick the ring up on Monday afternoon."

Monday morning, a very distressed jeweler phoned the old man.

"There's no money in that account!"
"I know," said the old guy. " But can you
imagine the weekend I had!"