Which one is funnier? Click to Pick!
A blond was out golfing. She hit her ball and it hit a young man on the golf course a little way from her. He immediately bent over and held his hands together between his legs, moaning in pain. The woman ran over to him.
"I'm so sorry! I just feel awful about this. Let me help you," she said.
"No, it's okay," the man gasped, still bent over with his hands between his legs.
"No, I can really help," said the blond. "I'm a trained physical therapist. Trust me."
The man nodded and the woman went over to him. She gently moved his hands away, opened his fly and took out his penis and began to massage it. After a couple of minutes, she asked, "Does it feel good now?"
With a dreamy look on his face, the man answered, "Yes, it feels great. But my thumb still hurts."
Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven.
When they get there, St. Peter says, 'We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!'
So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place.
It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.
Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says, 'Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!'
The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.
The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps.
She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on .... very tall, long eyelashes, muscular.
St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.
The happy woman says, 'I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?'
The guy says, 'I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck.