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Follow the doctors orders - 40

A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet.

"I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and
repeat
this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have
lost at
least five pounds.


When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds.


"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor says. "Did you follow my
instructions?"


The blonde nods.


"I'll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third
day."


"From hunger, you mean?" asked the doctor.


"No, from skipping."

Who's Deaf - 49

There is a husband and a wife and the husband is worried because he thinks
his wife is going deaf.. So the husband goes to the doctor and says
"My wife is losing her hearing what do I do?"

"Do a test." says the doctor. "Ask her a question from 40ft away, 20ft,
10ft and 5 ft away. See when she starts to hear you."

So he went home and asked his wife from 40ft away when dinner will be
ready.

No response.

20ft no response.

10ft no response.

At 5 ft his wife replies "For the 4th time dinner will be ready in 10
minutes!"