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New Math - 9

This equation should be taught in all math classes!

From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this:

What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

and
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But,

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 127%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the Bullshit and Ass kissing that will put you over the top!

If I may add one more equation:

W-H-O Y-O-U K-N-O-W
23+8+15+25+15+21+11+14+15+23 = 170%

Golf Story - 17

Stevie Wonder and Tiger Woods are in a restaurant
having dinner.

Woods turns to Wonder and says, "How's the singing
career going?"

Stevie Wonder replies, "Not too bad. How's the golf?"

Woods replies, "Not too bad, I've had some problems
with my swing, but I think I've got that going right now."

Stevie says, "I always find that when my swing goes
wrong, I need to stop
playing for a while and not think about it. Then,
the next time I play, it seems to be all right."

Tiger says, "You play golf?"

Wonder says, "Oh, yes, I've been playing for years."

Woods says, "But you're blind! How can you play golf
if you can't see?"
Wonder replies, "I get my caddy to stand in the
middle of the fairway and
call to me. I listen for the sound of his voice and
play the ball toward
him. Then, when I get to where the ball lands, the
caddy moves to the
green or farther down the fairway and again I play
the ball toward his voice."

But how do you putt?" asks Woods.

"Well," says Stevie, "I get my caddy to lean down in
front of the hole and
call to me with his head on the ground, and I just
play the ball toward his voice."

Woods asks, "What's your handicap?"

Stevie says, "Well, I'm a scratch golfer."

Woods, incredulous, says to Stevie, "We've got to
play a round sometime."

Wonder replies, "Well, people don't take me
seriously, so I only play for
money, and never play for less than $10,000 a hole."

Woods thinks about it and says, "OK, I'm for that,
when would you like to play?"

Stevie says, "Pick any night this month."