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Old couple - 68

An elderly couple was driving across the country. While the woman was
behind the wheel, the couple was pulled over by the highway patrol.

"Ma'am, did you know you were speeding?" the officer said.

The woman, hard of hearing, turned to her husband and asked, "What did
he say?"

"He said you were speeding!" the old man yelled.

The patrolman then asked, "May I see your license?"

The woman turned to her husband again, "What did he say?"

The old man yelled back, "He wants to see your license!"

The woman then gave the officer her license.

"I see you are from Arkansas," the patrolman said. "I spent some time
there once and went on a blind date with the ugliest woman I've ever
seen."

The woman turned to her husband again and asked, "What did he say?"

The old man replied, "He said he knows you!"

Badge of office - 114

A DEA agent, together with an ATF and a FBI agent, as part of a task force,
arrive at a ranch in western Nebraska.
The agents tell the rancher, "We need to inspect your ranch for illegally
grown drugs."
The old rancher says, "Okay, but don't go in that field over there."
The DEA agent explodes saying, "Mister, we have the authority of the Federal
Government with us."
Reaching into his rear pocket and removing his badge, the agent proudly
displays it to the farmer.
"See this badge? This badge means we are allowed to go wherever we wish on
any land. No questions asked nor answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do
you understand?"
The old rancher nods politely and goes about his chores.
Later, the old rancher hears loud screams and spies the three agents running
for their lives. Close behind is the rancher's bull. With every step the
bull is gaining ground on the agents. They are clearly terrified.
The old rancher immediately throws down his tools, runs to the fence and
yells at the top of his lungs:
"Your badges! Show him your badges!"