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New Use for Viagra - 119

An elderly gentleman went to see his doctor and asked for a
prescription of Viagra. The doctor said, "That's no problem. How many
do you want?"

The man answered, "Just a few, maybe 4, but cut each one in 4
pieces."

The doctor said, "That won't do you any good."

The elderly gentleman said, "That's alright. I don't need them for sex
anymore as I am over 90 years old. I just want it to stick out far
enough so I don't pee on my shoes."

Good-Bye - 15

A father put his three year old daughter to bed,
told her a story and
listened to her prayers which she ended by
saying:"God bless Mommy, God
bless daddy, God bless grandma and good-bye
grandpa."

The father asked, "Why did you say good-bye
grandpa?"

The little girl said, "I don't know daddy, it just
seemed like the thing to do."

The next day grandpa died. The father thought it was
a strange coincidence.

A few months later the father put the girl to bed
and listened to her
prayers, which went like this: "God bless Mommy, God
Bless daddy and good-bye grandma."

The next day the grandmother died. Oh my gosh,
thought the father, this kid
is in contact with the other side. Several weeks
later when the girl was
going to bed the dad heard her say:
"God bless Mommy and good-bye daddy."

He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep
all night and got up at
the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was
nervous as a cat all day, had
lunch sent in and watched the clock. He figured if
he could get by until midnight he would be okay.
He felt safe in the
office, so instead of going
home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking
coffee, looking at his
watch and jumping at every sound. Finally midnight
arrived, he breathed a
sigh of relief and went home.

When he got home his wife said "I've never seen you
work so late, what's the matter?"
He said "I don't want to talk about it, I've just
spent the worst day of my life."

She said "You think you had a bad day, you'll never
believe what happened to me. This morning the milkman
dropped dead on our porch!