HOME TOP JOKES CATEGORY SUBMIT SEARCH CONTACT

Which one is funnier? Click to Pick!

The honeymoon is over - 107

The couple has been married only two weeks. The husband, although very
much in love, can't wait to go out on the town and party with his old
buddies. "Honey," says he to his new bride, "I'll be right back..."
"Where are you going, Coochy Coo?" asks the wife. "I'm going to the
bar, Pretty Face. I'm going to have a beer." "You want a beer, My
Love?" She opens the refrigerator door shows him 25 different brands
of beer from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India,
including six places he's never even heard of. The husband is
nonplussed, and all he can think to say is, "Yes, Honey Pie, but the
bar you know...the frozen glass..." He hasn't finished the sentence
before wifey interrupts him by saying, "You want a frozen glass, Puppy
Face?" She hands him a mug out of the freezer that is so cold that it
burns his fingers "Yes, Tootsie Roll," hubby says a bit desperately,
"but at the bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really
delicious... I won't be long. I'll be right back. I promise. OK?" "You
want hors d'oeuvres, Pookie Pooh?" She opens the oven and removes 15
different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in a blanket, mushroom
caps, pork strips, etc. "But, Sweetie, Honey...at the bar...you
know...the swearing, the dirty words and all that..." "You want dirty
words, Cutie Pie? Here...DRINK YOUR FUCKING BEER IN YOUR FROZEN
FUCKING MUG AND EAT YOUR FUCKING SNACKS, BECAUSE YOU AREN'T GOING
ANYWHERE! GOT IT, ASSHOLE?!!"

Alligator Shoes - 14

A young blonde was on vacation and driving through the Everglades She wanted
to take home a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was
very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle on prices" attitude of
one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Well then, maybe I'll just go
out and catch my own alligator, so I can get a pair of shoes for free!"

The shopkeeper said with a sly, knowing smile, "Little lady, just go and
give it a try!" The blonde headed out toward the swamps, determined to catch
an alligator.

Later in the day, as the shopkeeper is driving home, he pulls over to the
side of the levee where he spots that same young woman standing waist deep
in the murky bayou water, shotgun in hand.

Just then, he spots a huge 9-foot gator swimming rapidly toward her. With
lightning speed, she takes aim, kills the creature and hauls it onto the
slimy bank of the swamp. Lying nearby were 7 more of the dead creatures, all
lying on their backs.

The shopkeeper stood on the bank, watching in silent amazement. The blonde
struggled and flipped the gator onto its back. Rolling her eyes heaven-ward
and screaming in great frustration, she shouts out...

"SHIT... THIS ONE'S BAREFOOT TOO!"