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The Bathtub Test - 44

During a visit to the mental asylum, I asked the director,
'How do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized?'

'Well,' said the Director, 'we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon,
a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.'

'Oh, I understand,' I said. 'A normal person would use the bucket because it's
bigger than the spoon or the teacup.'

'No.' said the Director, 'A normal person would pull the plug.. Do you
want a bed near the window?'

On the Job training - 58

A new priest, born and raised in Texas , is nervous about hearing
confessions, so he asks the older priest to sit in on his sessions.

The new priest hears a couple of confessions, and then the old priest
asks him to step out of the confessional for a few suggestions.

The old priest suggests, "Cross your arms over your chest, and rub your
chin with one hand and try saying things like 'yes, I see,' and 'yes, go
on,' and 'I understand.'

The new priest crosses his arms, rubs his chin with one hand and repeats
all the suggested remarks to the old priest.

The old priest says, "Now, don't you think that's a little better than
slapping your knee and saying, "No Shit... what happened next?"