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Elderly couple - 35

An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other
for a long time. Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time
to get married. Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long
conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed
finances, living arrangements, and so on. Finally, the old gentleman
decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.

'How do you feel about sex?' he asked, rather tentatively.

'I would like it infrequently.' She replied.

The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, then
leaned over towards her and
whispered, 'Is that one word or two?'

Never argue with a woman - 75

One morning, the husband returns the boat to their lakeside cottage after
several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.

Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out.

She motors out a short distance, anchors, puts her feet up, and begins to
read her book.

The peace and solitude are magnificent.

Along comes a Fish & Game Warden, in his boat.

He pulls up alongside the woman and says, 'Good morning, Ma'am. What are you
doing?'

'Reading a book,' she replies (thinking, 'Isn't that obvious?').

'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her.

'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading.'

'Yes, but I see you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start
at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.'

'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault,' says the
woman.

'But I haven't even touched you,' says the Fish & Game Warden.

'That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start
at any moment.'

'Have a nice day ma'am'. And with that he left.

MORAL:
Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.