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The Happy Hangover - 33

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's
Christmas Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't
taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home
from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did
something wrong.

Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he
sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side
table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sits up and sees his
clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the
room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the
rest of the house.

He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring
back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on
the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a
kiss mark from his wife in lipstick: "Honey, breakfast is on the
stove, I left early to get groceries to make your favorite dinner
tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian"

He stumbles into the kitchen and sure enough, there is a hot
breakfast, steaming hot coffee, and the morning newspaper all waiting
for him. His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, "Son... what
happened last night?"

"Well, you came home after 3 in the morning, drunk and out of your
mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked
in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door."

Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect
order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table
waiting for me?"

His son replies, "Oh THAT! Well, Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and
when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed,'Leave me alone,
I'm married!'"

Blonde Joke - 11

A blonde, wanting to earn some extra money,
decided to hire herself out as a "handy-woman" and
started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood.


She went to the front door of the first house, and
asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my
porch," he said, "How much will you charge me?"


The blonde quickly responded, "How about $50?"

The man agreed and told her that the paint and

everything she would need were in the garage

The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to
her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes
all the way around the house?"

He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?"

The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm
starting to believe all those 'dumb blonde' jokes
we've been getting by e-mail lately." A short time
later, the blonde came to the door to collect her
money.

"You're finished already?" the husband asked.

"Yes," the blonde replied, "and I had paint left
over, so I gave it two coats."

Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the
$50.00 and handed it to her.

"And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a
Porch, it's a Lexus