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Never argue with a woman - 75

One morning, the husband returns the boat to their lakeside cottage after
several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.

Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out.

She motors out a short distance, anchors, puts her feet up, and begins to
read her book.

The peace and solitude are magnificent.

Along comes a Fish & Game Warden, in his boat.

He pulls up alongside the woman and says, 'Good morning, Ma'am. What are you
doing?'

'Reading a book,' she replies (thinking, 'Isn't that obvious?').

'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her.

'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading.'

'Yes, but I see you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start
at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.'

'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault,' says the
woman.

'But I haven't even touched you,' says the Fish & Game Warden.

'That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start
at any moment.'

'Have a nice day ma'am'. And with that he left.

MORAL:
Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.

The farmer and the old lady - 89

A farmer stopped by the local mechanic shop to have his truck fixed.
They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and
would just walk home.

On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket
and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up
a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the
store he now had a problem - how to carry his entire purchases home.

While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old
lady who told him she was lost. She asked, "Can you tell me how to get
to 1603 Mockingbird Lane ?" The farmer said, "Well, as a matter of
fact, my farm is very close to that house. I would walk you there but
I can't carry this lot."

The old lady suggested, " Why don't you put the can of paint in the
bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand; put a chicken under each arm and
carry the goose in your other hand?"

"Why thank you very much," he said and proceeded to walk the old girl
home. On the way he says "Let's take my short cut and go down this
alley. We'll be there in no time."

The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, "I am a
lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when
we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my
skirt, and have your way with me?"

The farmer said, "Holy smokes lady! I'm carrying a bucket, an, a
gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I
possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?"

The old lady replied, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket,
put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens."