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Which one is funnier? Click to Pick!

Ugly as hell - 42

A guy starts a new job, and the boss says, "If you marry my daughter,
I'll make you a partner, give you an expense account, a Mercedes, and a
million dollar annual salary."

The guy says, "What's wrong with her?"

The boss shows him a picture, and she's hideous.

The boss says, "It's only fair to tell you, she's not only ugly, she's
as dumb as a wall."

The guy says, "I don't care what you offer me, it ain't worth it."

The boss says, "I'll give you a five million dollar salary and build
you a mansion on Long Island."

The guy accepts, figuring he can put a bag over her head when they
have sex.

About a year later, the guy buys an original Van Gogh and he's about to
hang it on the wall. He climbs a ladder and yells to his wife, "Bring
me a hammer."

She mumbles, "Get the hammer. Get the hammer," and she fetches the hammer.

The guy says, "Get me some nails."

She mumbles, "Get the nails. Get the nails," and she gets him some nails.

The guys starts hammering a nail into the wall, he hits his thumb, and
he yells, "Fuck!"

She mumbles, "Get the bag. Get the bag."

Keep your story straight - 83

Joe had gone to propose to his girlfriend and returned home crying
bitterly. "What happened, son?" his father asked, eagerly awaiting
her response. "Did she accept?"

"No, she sure didn't," sobbed Joe. "When I told her what you advised
me to say, she slapped my face and told me to get the hell out."

"Did you begin by telling her what I told you to say, what I told
your mother when she accepted my proposal? 'Sweetheart, time stands still
when I look in your eyes.' Did you tell her that?" asked his father.

"Oh boy, dad, did I got it all wrong," Joe groaned. "I said, 'MY Dear,
you have a face that would stop a clock!'"